i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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