WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you traded sex for a burrito?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
