you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
