i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
