Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
