Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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