dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
