i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
home. puking in laundry basket.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
