His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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