To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize