farters have to be the big spoon...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
