he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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