omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
