Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
