I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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