When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
