i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
