omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
