just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
