Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
tonight lets celebrate not being married
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
