I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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