Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
