Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
