i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
