Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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