the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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