So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
