I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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