after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
