what if every blade of grass was a penis?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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