that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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