and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
