Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
