Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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