I want to stick my p in your. b.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
