We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize