really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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