a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i think i just lost a toe
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
