Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Randomize
