im about as happy as oj after his trial
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Randomize
