Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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