apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
