You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
