I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
