the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
as a side note pls kill me
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
