Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
