I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
