Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
