hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
