After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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