Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
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