Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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