cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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