How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
