I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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