Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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