So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
