i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
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