i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
