I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
