One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
