PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
