we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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