you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
