The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
