Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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