I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
