I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
