i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
