i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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