does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
