how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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