ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
