i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
