At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize