Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
