i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
