Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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