he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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