I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
