She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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