We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize