He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
