this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
