Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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