Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i believe in u and ur pee
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
