She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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